she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
