You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
