I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
