So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
