just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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