Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
