shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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