she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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