He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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