There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
