Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
