What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
