i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
