Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
