I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
