I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i need some magic done to my vagina
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
