A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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