Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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