Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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