How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
