Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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