as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
