Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
