So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
