I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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