almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
