Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
