so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
