ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
