You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
