with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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