my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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