Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
