I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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