i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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