You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
