Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
