Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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