she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize