Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Life is so much better after having sex.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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