I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
