You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
