You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
