I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
