That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
