I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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