Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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