I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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