I feel great
I just peed on a car
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
