she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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