Jerry, you need to find god
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
